Why I don't call my spaces safe spaces
The interesting thing about this is the fact that the biggest piece of feedback i get from my events, membership and 121 spaces is how safe they are.
So I have of course, sat with this for a while.
I believe that the reason this is the feedback i receive so often is because i hold a space a where all versions and expressions of you are welcome; this is not a cute tag line i say, it’s Truth and to caveat this, you are responsible for bringing all parts of yourself in and learning to hold them in these spaces, it is not my responsibility to hold your emotions, it’s my responsibility to hold the space and you, to enable you to hold yourself through what is alive and moving through you, (that’s the empowerment piece right there).
This gives permission to those who enter my spaces to meet parts of themselves and be seen and to feel into what’s there with the knowledge and understanding that none of it is off the table.
There is no forcing, pushing or rushing in my spaces, only invitations, reflections and points of inquiry that enable those who journey with me to unfold at the pace of their body, as this pace creates sustainable and more integrated transformation.
I believe another part of this is because I actively choose to meet the gnarliest and crunchiest parts of myself as they arise, i choose to lean all the way in and continue to walk the Path of Alchemy in my Life, that is my commitment and service to this work; to meet all parts of myself so I can walk alongside you in your process.
So on an energetic level, I have traversed both the deepest darkness + most radiant joy within myself to an extent that allows people to feel that they are met on an energetic level by someone who knows what it is to be in theses felt experiences alongside holding the practical tools and modalities to support their Journey.
This is an incredibly important part of being a Space Holder of any kind.
But I don’t ever see my spaces as a safe haven, because transformation can feel unsafe to the system because it is unfamiliar, arriving into the body for the first time, is going to feel inherently unfamiliar and possibly confronting, which can be translated through our systems as unsafe if there is a lot of unresolved emotional pain, chronic illness or past trauma there.
What my spaces do offer, is a space to be with the discomfort and anything that translates as unsafe in your system in a well held and guided space, to enable you to feel eventual safety within that part of your experience, circumstance or life.
The spaces I hold give my clients the opportunity to lean in and integrate areas of life, body and experiences that may have left an imprint of un-safety in the body and begin to create a newer more supportive imprint of safety and connection with this part of Self so that it doesn’t hold so much charge in their life, and enables them to then open themselves up to more of Life’s opportunities, experiences and connections.
(This is what my clients come away with through this work, so if you are reading this and resonates and you’d like to explore this for yourself you are welcome to take a look at my 121 offerings here.)
The goal is not to create a safe space to wrap people up in cotton wool and protect them from themselves, it is to create a tender and well held space for them to meet the parts of themselves that are calling for their attention and to allow them to meet it to the capacity that serves their journey the most.
As Facilitators, Coaches, Mentors, Guides + Yoga Teachers our responsibility is to hold spaces we are capable of holding, that we can allow people to go to the depths they need to and also have the tools to ensure that we can guide + ground our clients alongside attuning to what is going on for them through deep listening, presence and becoming accustomed to how the body speaks.
A point of enquiry to acknowledge in the role of a Space Holder is that you are responsible for checking yourself in every moment of holding someone, ask yourself:
Is what i’m sharing a projection?
Am i trying to shut someones response or experience down because it makes me feel uncomfortable because I’ve not explored this within myself?
Am i trying to override my clients experience?
Am i trying to steer the conversation or experience to something i feel more comfortable in.
Is this coming from ego or deep service?
Are you currently present in your body?
Are you withholding a reflection that will support a client out of a need to keep the peace/appease or please the client?
Are you trying to make someone do or meet something they may not be 100% ready for?
These points of enquiries will allow the spaces you hold to become, deeper, more supportive and cleaner energetically.
How you enquire into how you react, project or respond will keep the spaces you hold feeling far more accepting, transformative and well held.
There is no end goal on your Space Holding Journey, it’s a continual refinement and acknowledgement of your Humaness (we are always learning), your energetic capacity, as well as what you are journeying through presently in Life.
You can’t compartmentalise yourself as a Space Holder just fyi, but that’s a conversation for another day.
If this thought piece resonates and you are a Space Holder looking to hold more integral, supportive and transformative spaces for people, that is deeply in line with your own unique energetic blueprint, you may be interested in joining the Space Holders Immersion 27 + 28th April in Belper, Derbyshire, spaces are limited to 6 women. You can click the link below to find out more and to sign up.